Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
