You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
