i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
