yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
