So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
