You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
