Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
