it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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