I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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