Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
