Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
