I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
