I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
