I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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