I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
