ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You ruined the universe
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
