Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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