If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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