you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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