i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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