we're blogging at a bar
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
