I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
