I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
