He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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