I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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