he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
