i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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