my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
