Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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