My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
