Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
