wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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