if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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