At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
