Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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