It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
