well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
