You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
