____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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