How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
