uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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