Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
