Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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