My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
