i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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