Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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