I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
