I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
