God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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