i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
