FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
