I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
