Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
