Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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