After last night, I could never be a politician.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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