We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sober January is a disaster.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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