i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
