I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
