omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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