giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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