She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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