how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I will pee on everything he values.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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