Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
