no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
