i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
