OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize