Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
