and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
