oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
