You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
