She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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