I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
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I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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